Please don’t hit me now with Rhein II – OKF and blessed be God.

Column by Thees Uhlmann

It has to be sublimated. It’s all too much. You just can’t take it anymore. 

It’s all too heavy between Corona, illnesses, concerts, cancelled tours, work, children’s flute and the other caroms of life and how it is with the club since Timo Schultz is coaching there!

You don’t really know what sublimation means exactly, but it’s clear that it has to be done. Kind of shake yourself so hard inside that everything seems a little clearer. Relatively early on this season, I discovered my feeling that I wanted to have as much to do with the FC St. Pauli club as possible this season, somehow.

Blunt, maybe

It was a perfect fit that Christoph, who is also a St. Pauli fan, gave up his job. So we spent the afternoons and even the middle of the evening in the Astra Stube in Neukölln with familiar consequences. Wonderful that is! Dull, perhaps, but salvific. Maybe not for everyone. But for us in any case, because he really did have to work almost all the time before. Now we sat there and watched the games of our favourite football club as often as we could.

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There is a wonderful photo of the two of us after an evening in the Astra Stube, which I took myself, in which my mate has just put on his bicycle helmet, is zipping up his jacket and I am looking happily into the lens.

In the photo, it looks like he’s no longer in control of his neck muscles because his head has sunk forward like that and I look like a beer truck has driven through my face, but I swear it wasn’t that bad.

It looks like it, but it really wasn’t that bad. We then sent the photo to his wife so that she would know that the evening was slowly coming to an end for us. A super gesture. Tenderly shy there, for her sharing and to prepare the anticipation of his return.

And then his wife wrote the following back to me: 
“Have you had enough? Are you going home now?”

There are many great titles under pictures. “Rhine II”, for example, under the picture by Andreas Gursky in which he photographed the Rhine. That’s great. 
Or the title of a picture by Martin Kippenberger: “Work until everything is cleared up!

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Ingenious. And it’s probably true at the same time. 
But “Have you had enough? Are you going home now?” – that’s definitely up there too. We were really happy about that, and we’re still happy that we know that there’s this sentence from her, about our picture. And so, delighted, we sometimes call out to each other during the second beer: 
“Have we had enough? Are we going home now?” 
Dear J., we think you’re great. Thank you for existing. 
We’re going to make some more of this. I swear to you because you have to work until everything is settled.

Drop out of Artschool

Many pictures are simply called “Oil on Canvas”. Which I also think is great, but I always have to think of the skinheads St. Pauli, who I like very much when I read that, and that they could paint a banner that says: “Oi, ich kann was!” (Oi, I can do something) 
That comes across as self-empowerment. So “DROP OUT OF ART SCHOOL”-like. We love it. Many warm greetings! 
I finally got that out of my brain and was able to write it down. 
This thing is getting worse and worse in my head anyway. Making up football banner slogans that would never ever be painted on a football banner. 
Against Hansa, for example: “Your mayor looks like one of us!” Just because. 

For truth and confusion. 

And against Sandhausen, of course: “SANDHAUFEN!” (Pile of sand!)

Lonely is the summit on the hill of my joys.

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One more thing about Sandhausen, by the way. My friend Stefan, who calls himself “Carpe Diem Sandhausen”, delivered the twofold hat-trick and was at both away games at St. Pauli and only at one was the whistle blown. At the other one, he just drove up and had a fun evening with his wife and friends. I think that’s great.

The landlord of the Astra Stube, on the other hand, has not come through the pandemic well. Financially, it all works out somehow, fortunately, but in the past, you were greeted with a friendly “It’s going to be something today!” or “Nice to see you again!” or “Isn’t life beautiful!?” or simply a long-ago St. Pauli anecdote, but today you are only greeted with “What are you doing here again, you face!” or “Don’t you have anything better to do, like me?” or a “Man, man, man!”.

I like it much better that way, of course, because I love it when it resounds. 
The absolute highlight of the announcements lately was definitely: “Today only in the front, the Russians are in the back!” because in the back room they were showing “Schachtar Donezk” against “Inter Milan” or something like that. 
That’s so absurdly super again. I mean, how cool can a sentence be?

I can only recommend it to everyone who spends a weekend in Berlin when St. Pauli is on, to check it out there. I love this place, I owe it and him, the landlord, a lot.

21745, but as tax number with Metal Benni and Matti

I noticed that I wanted to have a lot to do with “Pauli” this season. And so it happened that I wrote to my beloved record company, my beloved Kettcars and 3-4 other people in mid-September: “We’re going against Nürnberg! I’m organising!”, which is a strange sentence for a person who already has structural problems reading picture postcards for fear that there might be something nice written on the back. And imagine this problem with window mail.

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That was also the reaction of most of my Hamburg friends to my message. “Yeah, you do it, man!” they said, and “What’s your tax number again? No, Thees, 21745 is the postcode of Hemmoor. That has nothing to do with the tax number! Hahaha, you diddle-face!”

And then it was off. If you have any questions about bookings with my beloved railway, feel free to ask me at ICE@ghvc.de! 
I booked a trip from Altona to Nuremberg Hbf for 8.90 €uros including seat reservation each way. INCLUDING RESERVATION! So for 19.10 €uros to Nuremberg and back. It’s so much fun when something like this works out so well.

Answer from HH: “There’s no such thing!” Me: I sent them a screenshot of the ticket! 
They: “Uhliwitsch, you old travel agency! Genius!”

Nice, owner-managed hotel chosen for the day when the Christmas market would actually have opened, and for a great price.

Sure, we still proudly wear our Bad Religion T-shirts from 1992 with the crossed-out cross on them, but the opening of the Christkindlmarkt on the weekend when the holy FC St. Pauli plays in Nuremberg, even the atheist can’t say no to that. In any case, that was the result of the representative doodle poll in which three people from the travel group took part.

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With the help of Matti from the great AKNE KID JOE, we booked the restaurant “Kniedlas Hüttn” for Saturday evening. They love the heavy Franconian cuisine, the top-fermented beers, but have more vegetarian and vegan dishes on offer than an organic restaurant in Prenzlauer Berg. You have to imagine that.

And then the president would have had his birthday at 12 o’clock and the next morning he and Metal Benni and Basti and Matti would have gone to the stadium with a beer and all the men and women from the travel group and then an away victory and then back to the main station and I had even organised a case of chilled Franconian beer for the track and the journey (FOR THE TRAIN AND THE JOURNEY!!!)…!

When I organise a meal for others, I enjoy it. When I cook for myself, it always tastes slightly like vomit from the day before. I don’t know why that is, probably highly neurotic.

And then we just decided against the trip, with an objective head but a bleeding heart.

There were 2-3 Coved impacts in the vicinity before… and then you just don’t do it. Coach didn’t drive either. Solidarity is sometimes a thing you make up so you can meet your own failure eye to eye, to sell it better in front of yourself and others.

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I still wrote to Reimer at 0:2: “Oh how nice! Wiebusch would now be OKF (scene expression for “topless”) on the fence again and screaming around.” And Reimer wrote back: “And then Makienok would come running up to him and say: “You look just like me! Only without tattoos! Strålende!” (That’s Danish for “Genius!”). 
That’s when we laughed via text message. With one teary eye, but not as a smiley.

By the way, the “Coved” was not a typo! We’ve been writing “Coved” ever since one of the Schlachthof Wiesbaden event group, Dennis by name, said to us after a concert: “Der Coved, der Coved kricht uns ned klein!” (“The Coved, the Coved won’t beat us!”)
That’s what EVERYONE says now. And you will be too from now on!

Wavering, thinking blessed before God

It’s been a long time since I wrote anything about St. Pauli, but I just can’t stand this joy alone with me in Berlin at the moment. I JUST CAN’T STAND IT ANYMORE!

All those broken weeks in the last few years when you… or I, you shouldn’t say “you”, you should always say “I”… couldn’t get on the internet until Thursday evening because you had lost 0-0 to the pigs from Dummsdorf-Hinterwulfertshausen on a Sunday afternoon and you doubted one thing at the core, the thing itself and yourself, and then had to read that over and over again.

“If Schulle gets kicked out, then I’ll try to get out of it somehow!”, I used to say to Marcus. And Marcus was like, “You’re a weirdo!” But I said, “I’m serious! I can’t do this anymore. If a thing suddenly makes and seems to make fundamental sense of itself after all these years, and then it still doesn’t work, then maybe you have to get out of it.”
“You’re not supposed to say you!”, Wiebusch then said, and I said, “Me then, you hoschie!”

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It’s like love. It must not only be work. It must also simply be love. 
For edification, joy, courage and as a warm cushion for the bad times.

“Too weak – too little / Everything too much wanted / This is an end!” is how the band “Captain Planet” once summed it up for me wonderfully years ago.

I listened to it swaying on my way home from the Astra Stube, stopped, thought, started the song again from the beginning and thought of all the friends, all the stories I have experienced because of this club and how it should all go on now… until the next weekend and then I thought exactly the same thing again from the beginning. For years.

For so long that you thought, this is no longer a feeling at all, this is normality.

„So you can sleep and work and work and sleep then sleep then work then sleep(…)“ the King Blues – what if punk never happened.

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And now all this. Wild days with a full heart of joy are those for me. “Blessed in the sight of God!” I shouted the other day after a goal and I think that’s absolute bullshit religiously, as well as in terms of content, but it felt right.

The joyful, self-determined subordination to a larger context of meaning. 
Well, okay, “Awesome! One-nil, Diggi!”, you could also say, of course, but, you also have to work until everything is clarified.

And so everyone does it in their own way. 
I asked my dear MillernTon if they could imagine me writing something about St. Pauli again and if they thought it was okay, and they said “Yes!”

And so that’s just that. From one of the best times, I can remember being a St. Pauli fan.

In the past, Uwe Podratz would have edited out the comma, sense and spelling mistakes here. That must not be forgotten either. Greetings, my dear friend, wherever you are.

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// Your Thees

Next time with:

• Away in Dresden 2022
• Derby win February 2021 without a bad word
• Schalke at home 
• Scene news
• Top 10 – “Go home from the Astra Stube” hits
• Interview with Marcus Wiebusch or something.

P.S.: The cancellation of Kniedlas Hueddn:

“Hello Thees,

It’s a pity you won’t be coming to Nuremberg. 

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Maybe the current situation will have improved by next year and you can then (as we Nurembergers say) fill up your satchels. 🙂

Reservation is cancelled. 

Many kind regards and stay healthy in the beautiful North  

Your Kniedlas Hüddn Team”.

Man, that’s nice.

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(Translation by Arne)

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