Thees #13: Open Letter to the Parents of Dapo Afolayan

He’s back. And now he even does these brillant texts in English! Say hello to the new column of Thees Uhlmann!

Dear Parents of Dapo Afolayan,
I hope to find you in high spirits and good mooded.

I’ve just finished listening to the podcast in which your son was interviewed by friends from the super MillernTon Blog. Have you already heard it? If not, here is the link.

Hello! You don´t know me.
My name is Thees Uhlmann and I am a singer in a band from Germany and I write books, am the founder of the German Oasis-Ultras, my guitar player is from Scottland, I unsuccessfully studied English for two years, my taste in music would be much worse if there hasn’t been „British Forces Radio BFBS“ and I have been a St. Pauli-fan for over 27 years now because I am super old… laber laber laber (it´s german for talkytalkytalky) you get the point.

I know, this is a strange way to reach out to you, but since I don’t have your email-addresses, because we don´t know each other, this is the only way to reach out to you.

Here is why I write to you: 

Sometimes when I travel with German railways and have a lot of time on the train I go to the station Kiosk to look into music magazines, I read 3-4 questions in an interview with an artist I am interested in and most of the time after the 3 or 4 answers I put the magazine back and will not buy it. It´s just not interesting.

Everytime „their new record is the best they’ve ever done!“ and with every new record „they reinvented themselves“. This bores me a lot.
And I can´t stand this feeling because I am already bored with myself.

But the other day I’ve heard the interview with your son in this podcast.
As you probably know from your own TV experiences, interviews with football players seldomly are interesting.

I understand that, because there is a whole lot of Rosie äh pressure on these sometimes really young persons. And of course they are not paid to talk but to play football.

Becoming a football star

But the interview with your son (sometimes I greet my daughter in the morning with the words „Good morning, my sun!“ So this is super!)… laberlaberlaber (as you now know, it´s German for talkytalkytalky)

The interview with your son was so interesting, wholesome, witty and eloquent and brought such a huge insight to me as a listener to a person becoming a football star of our beloved football club FC St Pauli from 1910 over all this time, these clubs, decisions and thoughts and – I might imagine – prayers sometimes.   

It was a great joy to listen to him and I hope you are really proud of him and that you are happy with the idea, that he plays for our club for the next eight years and then is transferred to your favourite football club in England to win the Champions League for 85.000.000 €uros.
Sorry, I don´t know what this is in English Pounds.

There was one sequence in the podcast which will be one of the best ten sentences of 2023.
At one point Dapo says, that he  – as well as the club – is trying to do the right thing. TRYING! I loved that because I think the world is flooded with people who are convinced, that they are doing the right thing and these people suck zu 99%!

Like my father always said:
„The road to hell is paved with people who know the truth!“

So this one little sentence of your son made my year a little bit hopefuller and brighter and I think that´s beautiful because normally you hope that activists or influencers make your day better.
But not for me. They make my day worse!

My year is super because your son is playing his ass off for my club and he is such a nice and reflected person.
WELL DONE!

I mean the both of you and your raising of Dapo!
I didn´t order a steak of course.

Unfortunately, I live in Berlin, but if you visit Berlin, give me a call and I make you a list of the best galleries and museums, restaurants and cool places  and where you can buy cheap beer! Haha!

If you have any other questions in Hamburg St. Pauli, you ask our Bürgermeister, Sven Brux.
If you want something organized, you ask our Präsi Oke Godlike. That is his real name!
If you need a little bit of shadow and entertainment, you call my friend Marcus Wiebusch. He is super great and has shoulders like a giant.
For everything else, ask Hoschek!

I wish you a super summer 2023 and all the luck in the world and thank you that your super sunny son is playing for us.
Yours, Thees Uhlmann

—-

Ey Leute, ich übersetz‘ das nicht. Das reicht schon, dass ich wegen meinem Englisch Einreiseverbot bekomme. // Für Notfälle: https://translate.google.com – oder am Computer rechts in der Navigation der Google-Button.

Für alle noch ein Tipp:
Wer sich nach dem Spiel gegen die Fortuna beeilt, schafft es noch zum Konzert einer meiner absoluten deutschen Lieblingsbands im Hafenklang!
Den Joseph Boys

Junge, da wäre ich gerne, aber ich habe leider keine Zeit. Grüßt sie, wenn Ihr sie seht!
Ach guck, ganze Kolumne geschrieben wegen Düsseldorf – ohne, dass die Toten Hosen vorkommen! Stark!
Braun-weisse Love,
// Euer Thees

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